Sitting on the couch, surrounded by dogs,fireplace on, rain outside, Fred Astaire movie on in the background. Sometimes nothing helps. I just picked up my book "Surviving the death of a sibling" for the 2nd time since losing my sister. It's hard to read because it makes sense, it makes me cry , and it makes me realize how lost I feel. I feel like no one ever asks me how I'm doing, but I understand. People probably are afraid to bring it up, maybe no one knows what to say. Maybe no one wants to hear about it. Maybe people have forgotten.
It's not just about losing my sister. It's about how in the process I've lost a part of myself. I'm not sure I even want to find it again. Oh how life has changed in 6 months. How am I doing? I'm ready to throw a couch through a window or pack up my "life" and move at any given moment of the day. I'm ready to fill a hole in my chest with things I think might make me feel better. Should I go to school? Should I take a trip? Should I eat a bag of doritos? Should I take yoga? Should I get a dog? Should I get a different job? I feel like giving up on the one thing I've loved for so long, my music.
My brother started going to church again, he is seeking comfort in god. I can't relate.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You are so loved, Aja Blue....I can't begin to imagine what you must be feeling or going through. And although I can't begin to understand, I am always here to listen. Or for anything you need. I love you.
ReplyDeleteyour bff
*jb*